Chat this is not a decision

I finaly heard neutral milk hotel, and it was so bad

aeroplane over the sea sounds great when it's 1:39 am on a saturday morning in 2013 and you are 20 years old and crossfaded and just puked up bile in the bathroom and did a shot of absinthe to clear your head and you're sitting on the couch in your offcampus apartment floating on the conversation while munching a calzone that wont settle your stomach and mentally preparing to do another shot of 151 with your roommates, one of whom spends far too much time on /mu/ and will stop talking to you entirely in a month when you get a girlfriend.

perhaps not great otherwise

who's drinking absinthe at 20. real absinthe is 3x the price of ouzo and the only value-add is a faint taste of cum. 151, yes, but unless your parents own an island you're clearing your head with vodka

sorry

Robbing a guy in a parked car at gunpoint but when you get close you see that he's asleep so you have to do a gay little tap on the window

friend looks at my phone, goes, "who's the girl on your lock screen? score bro" it was charli xcx because I was listening to Charlie xcx and my phone changes it to the album cover. I am not seeing Charli xcx

month starting on a monday we have no excuse guys lets get to work and lock the fuck in

yk its actually very chic and avant garde to start on tuesday the second

many claim theres nothing more subversive and revolutionary than starting on wednesday the third

there are simply no words in the english language that can describe starting on thursday the fourth. thats how iconic it is

choosing to start on friday the fifth. i just think its very inspiring

lets all kill ourselves

when you’re a gay lion and you accidentally tried to introduce your lesbian lioness friend to one of her own exes at a gay bar and she goes into the bathroom and bitches you out for not being able to tell her endlessly rotating cast of girlfriends apart which isn’t really fair because first of all they all keep dyeing their hair different colors and second of all she keeps getting back together with different ones at different times and meanwhile you’ve been “single” for like 8 months but are spending a lot of time with one specific guy who works at your old co-op and were going to excitedly tell her about it tonight but now you’ve ruined the whole subject of dating by trying to introduce her to her own ex at a gay bar (which is a watering hole. because you’re lions.) 

My old blog was terminated, help me find my mutuals!

Transphobic Tumblr staff nuked my blog and my only source of income, please reblog to help me out!! My old blog was pjackk. If you ever enjoyed my work seriusly im in a rough spot right now if U can spare a handle of gin or smthing i know noibody even likes me but for real i need some help right.now

Look when I bet $100 on Kalshi that you "weren't gonna make it" I was merely hedging against how sad I would be in that case. If anything it's a sign of how much I care

Yeah don’t worry bro they got a spot just for you

it's important to have your own unique door knock so people know it's you. a knock consists of stressed knocks, unstressed knocks and silences. as the creator of this system and thus the first person to note down my knock, i will claim the knock consisting of only silences (it's a zero-based index). Now would you please answer the door

But *how many* silences does it consist of? How do I know it is you, rather than somebody who refrains from knocking on the door a different number of times?

it can be shown without too much work that the trivial knock is precisely the knock which, concatenated with itself, is unchanged

By walking the landlord through the apartment and pointing out every minor, non-infractable scratch and dent (which amounted to $100 of security deposit, wasn’t even one I pointed out, whatever) and profusely apologizing for the mess, I managed to prevent him from noticing the cracked window pane and missing countertop replaced with a sheet of plastic

Yeah man that countertop was always like that. The sheet of plastic says Mitsubishi on the back because they, uh, got into making tables.