Welcome to the plot bunny hideout. Mind where you sit, there’s plot bunnies everywhere. This is my side blog. My fics can be found on Archive Of Our Own under cosybunny. I’m an adult and sometimes my fics contain adult content, so please be mindful of that. This blog is 18+ for the same reason.
Zeno insisting on calling Leon ‘Handler’ because that’s the only title he’s ever been trained to answer to.
Leon being increasingly disturbed by the increasing amount of dehumanising treatment this man thinks is normal. Leon who has to pick his battles and compromise on how he treats his charge because Zeno straight up runs Bluescreen.exe if Leon treats him like a fuckin’ human being. Which means outside, Leon’s answering to the title of Handler. And yes, everyone else is playfully giving him shit about it.
It’s not all hopeless. Leon’s chipping away at Zeno’s walls slowly. One of these days he’ll feel comfortable enough to call him something more casual than Handler or the occasional, rare, Mr. Kennedy.
Someday.
this one has grown to 7k words long though. i wanted to share this nibble. you know when you rescue an animal and it’s a waiting game to see if they’ll settle enough to eat something? … yeah.
in other words, Zeno is introduced to pizza and the concept of sharing food. these are very confusing times for him.
Text version below the cut for those who prefer it, as always.
this fic needs a name. ive been writing it under the placeholder of Skeleton Key. anyways have a proper peek of my ‘picking up zeno like a wet stray’ plot bunny. the fic is like 3k words long now. i feel possessed.
text ver below the cut.
✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧ ta-da!
It’s only been a day. I’ve already written 2k words of this nonsense. I guess we’re doing this now.
I can’t post my normal preview style because I still don’t have Wi-Fi here, so you get the old fashioned treatment.
oooo I wonder whose blood that is /we all know
Girl help I think I want to contribute to the 'Zeno getting picked up like a stray after RE9' movement. I need him wary and untrusting and confused. Living weapon introduced to concept of Personhood, and doesn't trust it because it's Foreign. Casually dropping the most horrifying lore like it's normal because for him, it is. Basically gather up all my favourite living weapon whump tropes and dump them on this lil Weskling's head. He's got no lore he's basically a blank canvas waiting for The Atrocities to happen. Give Leon another child to worry about except this one's a grown-ass clone who's waiting for the other shoe to drop. deadly and traumatised. whose only frame of reference for human interaction is transactional relationships and the concept of being used as an asset. he's been conditioned his whole life to understand he's less than human. his only job was to be a useful clone of Albert Wesker and he couldn't even do that right. surely nothing bad can come of this.
'Have you been living under a rock' ☝️ actually. laboratory. autotomy? never heard of her. joy and whimsy? banned. childhood? he probably came out of the Clone Tank and was handed a gun and a pair of cunty sunglasses. his entire rebel phase was the one earring. *slaps Zeno on the shoulder* this thing can hold so many issues.
Leon S. 'Absolutely Not Your Handler' Kennedy who becomes Zeno's handler because nobody else is touching any of that mess with an eight foot pole. Also, it's his fault Zeno's alive so it's his problem now, or something. Unwillingly developing a positive rapport with the bioweapon he's supposed to be handling, because it's Leon and the man has the personality of a golden retriever under all that grit. He sees the person under the asset. He's domesticating Zeno and turning him over to his side, one gesture of kindness at a time. Everyone thinks he's insane for this. He agrees with them, but when has that ever stopped him before?
@fizzy-tizzy Oh. Oh I love the way you think.
Girl help I think I want to contribute to the ‘Zeno getting picked up like a stray after RE9’ movement. I need him wary and untrusting and confused. Living weapon introduced to concept of Personhood, and doesn’t trust it because it’s Foreign. Casually dropping the most horrifying lore like it’s normal because for him, it is. Basically gather up all my favourite living weapon whump tropes and dump them on this lil Weskling’s head. He’s got no lore he’s basically a blank canvas waiting for The Atrocities to happen. Give Leon another child to worry about except this one’s a grown-ass clone who’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. deadly and traumatised. whose only frame of reference for human interaction is transactional relationships and the concept of being used as an asset. he’s been conditioned his whole life to understand he’s less than human. his only job was to be a useful clone of Albert Wesker and he couldn’t even do that right. surely nothing bad can come of this.
'Have you been living under a rock’ ☝️ actually. laboratory. autotomy? never heard of her. joy and whimsy? banned. childhood? he probably came out of the Clone Tank and was handed a gun and a pair of cunty sunglasses. his entire rebel phase was the one earring. *slaps Zeno on the shoulder* this thing can hold so many issues.
Leon S. 'Absolutely Not Your Handler’ Kennedy who becomes Zeno’s handler because nobody else is touching any of that mess with an eight foot pole. Also, it’s his fault Zeno’s alive so it’s his problem now, or something. Unwillingly developing a positive rapport with the bioweapon he’s supposed to be handling, because it’s Leon and the man has the personality of a golden retriever under all that grit. He sees the person under the asset. He’s domesticating Zeno and turning him over to his side, one gesture of kindness at a time. Everyone thinks he’s insane for this. He agrees with them, but when has that ever stopped him before?
After Wesker gets the worst surprise gift ever (being turned into a tyrant one year early) from Umbrella, it takes maybe a couple of days for someone to notice he's practically living at the S.T.A.R.S. office.
Because his (very nice) apartment is owned and paid for by Umbrella, so he can't exactly go back to living there. He's officially turned over to Chris and Leon's side and their totally real top secret organization that somehow knows everything and definitely isn't just the two of them back from the future. So anyway that's how they fall into that three roommates situation of living together BUT ☝️ Wesker is Full Of Audacity and correctly assumes that nobody in Umbrella would expect him to roll up to his old apartment to grab his shit. He might have lost everything including his sense of self and humanity but he'll be damned if he's leaving behind those designer suits and his hideously-expensive-by-the-ounce hair pomade. It's like helping your friend grab their things from an abusive ex while they're out of the house. Except that abusive ex is the Umbrella Company.
So yeah they get there with the car and although the place is fancy as fuck, Wesker is depressingly lacking in personal effects. Guy was an orphan who kept getting transferred, and then a scientist who also kept getting transferred, he doesn't know the meaning of the word settling. Guy was also planning to leave anyway, so he's got a very convenient suitcase under the bed ready to pack.
While he's doing that Leon notices the coffee maker in the kitchen. The very fancy, very expensive, very modern (by 90's standards) coffee maker. And like, Wesker obviously isn't planning to bring it with him and it's Umbrella who paid for it but it's still technically Wesker's property on paper and — it's a really good coffee maker. Leon has been inhaling coffee since he's still technically below the drinking age now.
Jackpot.
All to say, Wesker comes out with a meticulously planned and packed suitcase and Leon is successfully making off with the apartment's coffee maker. Chris is still questioning how this became his life, keeping watch while Wesker packs and his partner in crime navigates the logistics of sneaking out with a caffeine machine that weighs as much as a rocket launcher. And also not helping either of them, because someone's got to maintain professionalism here and clearly it's got to be him. Leon is just a happy raccoon basically, marching out with his spoils. He's like a dog who found a comically oversized stick. He's pack bonded to it. He's treating it like his own child.
Somewhere, some Umbrella operative is breaking the news to the higher-ups that Wesker was in the apartment (they had cameras everywhere. because of course they did.) Someone has to do inventory management and document what was removed. Clothing, personal effects, classified files, research documents, all the expected things. And one fancy-ass coffee maker. Did they at least install a tracker in the appliance? No. No they did not.
I did a smidge of research and Leon’s new baby is probably a fictional riff of the real Jura Impressa E50.
I also considered the La Pavoni Professional as a base because the idea of a manual lever and complete control over a pour seems very Wesker, with his funky lil control issues, but since a heavy theme of this fic is how much Wesker isn’t in control, I think it’s a nice touch that even his coffee machine isn’t the type he would pick if it was up to him (it wasn’t).
I can’t find a reliable weight reference for the Jura Impressa E50 but I’m going to pretend this fictional one that Leon’s wrestling into his Jeep Wrangler weighs 9kg. Chronological accuracy regarding the release dates of these products? Never heard of her. Umbrella had the whole ARK facility under Racoon City, I think this universe is a bit ahead in terms of tech.
After Wesker gets the worst surprise gift ever (being turned into a tyrant one year early) from Umbrella, it takes maybe a couple of days for someone to notice he’s practically living at the S.T.A.R.S. office.
Because his (very nice) apartment is owned and paid for by Umbrella, so he can’t exactly go back to living there. He’s officially turned over to Chris and Leon’s side and their totally real top secret organization that somehow knows everything and definitely isn’t just the two of them back from the future. So anyway that’s how they fall into that three roommates situation of living together BUT ☝️ Wesker is Full Of Audacity and correctly assumes that nobody in Umbrella would expect him to roll up to his old apartment to grab his shit. He might have lost everything including his sense of self and humanity but he’ll be damned if he’s leaving behind those designer suits and his hideously-expensive-by-the-ounce hair pomade. It’s like helping your friend grab their things from an abusive ex while they’re out of the house. Except that abusive ex is the Umbrella Company.
So yeah they get there with the car and although the place is fancy as fuck, Wesker is depressingly lacking in personal effects. Guy was an orphan who kept getting transferred, and then a scientist who also kept getting transferred, he doesn’t know the meaning of the word settling. Guy was also planning to leave anyway, so he’s got a very convenient suitcase under the bed ready to pack.
While he’s doing that Leon notices the coffee maker in the kitchen. The very fancy, very expensive, very modern (by 90’s standards) coffee maker. And like, Wesker obviously isn’t planning to bring it with him and it’s Umbrella who paid for it but it’s still technically Wesker’s property on paper and — it’s a really good coffee maker. Leon has been inhaling coffee since he’s still technically below the drinking age now.
Jackpot.
All to say, Wesker comes out with a meticulously planned and packed suitcase and Leon is successfully making off with the apartment’s coffee maker. Chris is still questioning how this became his life, keeping watch while Wesker packs and his partner in crime navigates the logistics of sneaking out with a caffeine machine that weighs as much as a rocket launcher. And also not helping either of them, because someone’s got to maintain professionalism here and clearly it’s got to be him. Leon is just a happy raccoon basically, marching out with his spoils. He’s like a dog who found a comically oversized stick. He’s pack bonded to it. He’s treating it like his own child.
Somewhere, some Umbrella operative is breaking the news to the higher-ups that Wesker was in the apartment (they had cameras everywhere. because of course they did.) Someone has to do inventory management and document what was removed. Clothing, personal effects, classified files, research documents, all the expected things. And one fancy-ass coffee maker. Did they at least install a tracker in the appliance? No. No they did not.